Slow Comfortable Screw on the Wall

So, if you are reading this and you know me, you also know that my husband, Michael C. Horner, is predictably unpredictable. I have been recently riding his ass about his negativity and unrelenting criticism of my lack of enthusiam for making three meals a day for him (day after day after day). I am admittedly not a great cook, but I do make an effort to grocery shop, mix from scratch healthy waffle and pancake batter, make sandwiches on grainy bread and throw in a fruit or vegetable when I can. I kind of go thru my rotation of passable meals and then I do - I acknowledge without reservation - getting fucking tired of feeding this man.....so while his commentary may have some truth to it....we both need get over it.

This is where we have been for the last few weeks....in a marital stalemate about meals and attitudes and tone. Married people know EXACTLY what I am talking about. So, tonight I was late coming home and as I walked up to the back deck, I can see Mike in the kitchen. He is clearly talking to someone and is smiling and pleasant and happy. So I watch him, because this version of Mike has been absent from me (due to my enthusiam deficit). Anyway, I watch a few moments and decide to enter.

I am greeted with a kiss and asked about my day (NO ONE EVER WANTS TO KNOW ABOUT MY DAY)...so I am again pleasantly surprised. THEN I notice that Mike is wearing his socks and shoes AND his 'panties' (actually boxer briefs, but I prefer to call all underwear panties) and  a t-shirt. Mike is commonly seen (by anyone who has stopped by my house) in his panties....but he usually has taken his shoes off. Anyway, I stupidly ask him why he is wearing his shoes while being in his 'panties'....and he begins to dance a sultry dance in the kitchen in his underpants. NOTE: This entire scene is being witnessed by Simone, who is the last hope of us not ruining a kid with our poor parenting skills (we haven't messed Damek and Sadie up TOO badly - however, Simone has the potential to be the best one yet). The dance helps explain (and I am merely guessing here) that he is feels good about taking the recycling and trash to the curb in the panty getup, black socks and shoes. Why? Because it is COMFORTABLE......and THEN, Mike shares with me  that his attire is a shout out to the new Southern Comfort commercial (link provided).

Out of the blue - while jiggling and swaying around the kitchen sink, Mike announces that a Slow Comfortable Screw on the Wall is his ALL TIME FAVORITE DRINK (the drink involves Sloe Gin, Southern Comfort, orange juice...maybe something else). In my 31 year relationship with Mike (clearly I have not been paying attention), I have NEVER, not once, heard him order or make this drink. SO, once again, I am engaged, intrigued and entertained by the idiot I live with. He is a grown ass man, dancing in his panties (black socks, shoes) in the kitchen, declaring his fondness for an alcoholic drink (I am not even addressing the NAME of the drink) in front of the one kid we might not mar for life.

This whole episode delights me so much that I might just be inspired to rekindle my waning enthusiam for cooking. I am DEFINITELY buying some Southern Comfort. And, although I will not tell Mike - the confidence and positive attitude tonight was pretty hot....just like the guy in the ad... rocking it in your panties takes balls.