Packing for the beach division of labor

All my friends know my preferred vacation is the beach. Doesn't really matter which body of water is involved - I like the way salt water makes my hair and skin slightly sticky, having sand in unmentionable places, and wearing nothing but a bathing suit for days on end. (Sadie's friends think I am always wearing my bathing suit at home on the back deck....and frankly, I do wear swim suits as much as possible from March until October - one of the perks of living in the South). Anyway, we are leaving for a partial family (not all members are going) trip to the Sunset Beach, NC, for Memorial Day week and I find the division of labor in packing interesting. Below is the typical division of labor.

I am in charge of all the linens,  beach towels,  regular towels, toilet paper, soap, shampoo, suncreen, beach chairs, board games, audio books for the car trip, directions to destination as we, the Massey Horners (aka Mike) are very suspicious of GPS devices (and technology in general). The Russians are extremely alert when watching our family's activities so NO GPS for us.....not even a smart phone among us. But, not to worry, George Massey (my Dad who just happens to be a retired Army Infantry Officer has the maps as well - just in case I prove myself unqualified).

I am, also, responsible for making sure all family members are packed appropriately....I remind them to bring several swim suits, flip flops, shorts, t-shirts, a sundress or two if female, at least ONE decent shirt if male. I remind teenagers to bring their OWN Ipods, cameras, books to read (or kindles), so that they will not KILL each other in the car. Pillows from home are optional but recommended. Oh, yes, and UNDERWEAR! People, pack your panties! Your siblings do not want to loan you any while on vacation and it sucks to purchase these on the trip. If you are female and have breasts that warrant bras - that is on you as well. Breast are still breasts at the beach and while freedom is nice, so is support. You know who you are, ladies.

I am also in charge of food - while yes we do live in America where restaurants of literally every possible food are littered along side Roosevelt's highways - we Massey-Horner's are delicate and super healthy so we can not just eat anywhere. It is a big job.

I failed to mention that the day before ANY long drive to a beach destination, there is ALWAYS at least one vehicle that requires maintenance.....new tires, or oil changes, or new brakes...it always involves Mike dissappearing for the entire day to take care of this maintenance item (that we could not risk waiting to address even ONE MORE WEEK). It is URGENT and takes a minimum of 4 hours to resolve...no matter what. Happens every single time....because I do plan our beach trips around vehicular maintenance. Doesn't everyone? Today is NO exception. Mike is out shopping tires as I write this.

In addition to vehicle maintenance, Mike is in charge of water flotation things (surf boards, etc). We keep them in the garage - conveniently.

Before loading the car - in our case, the fleet of vehicles - I try to determine who should ride with who and which car to load what into. Mike pretends to have no opinion - it is COMPLETELY 100% up to me when, how and where. Right up until the moment I am ready to ACTUALLY load the cars. THEN Mike tells me I am crazy.

No. We do not need to load the car the night before we plan to leave at the ass crack of dawn. No. We do not want to go get all the vehicles gassed up for the drive. Of course not. That doesn't make any sense at all. Much better to wait until the wee morning hours, when no one is fully awake, no one has had sufficient amounts of coffee to think straight and when people might cry. Some people cry early in the morning. Sometimes. I know I do. Sometimes. Usually before a long car ride with the man I married for better or worse, but might not have if full disclosure about packing for beach trips had been discussed. On really good trips, we have been close to COPS episodes - but we have matured over the last few years and no longer fight in the yard.* This is where I would like to thank Damek for being able to understand Mike's logic about packing the cars. As the only male offspring, I think it might a gender thing. Since we can not load the car (presummably because not everyone is packed - which really means Mike is not packed yet - which means he has not been listening for the past month as I have been gathering all the items listed above and placing them in the mud room where literally he has to walk past them EVERY SINGLE DAY), we agree to go to bed early so we can get started early.

Early to me is 9 pm. By the time I have realized that we are not in fact loading the car, it is already 11:45 pm (in another 15 minutes, it could be crying time for me....because technically after mid night, it is early the next morning).

In marriage, it is common practice to share a bedroom with your spouse. Mike and I are common people. We share a room. SO because Mike has not packed, I can not go to bed just yet. Mike has to sort thru his wardrobe for shorts, t-shirts, one decent shirt, compression shorts (not totally sure why - might be similar to the bra issue for girls), regular underwear, running shoes, soccer shoes, shower shoes, dress sandels, hiking sandels, and socks....lots of socks. Then he has to pack his DOP kit. The packing goes on for about an hour and a half. My eyes are wet, but no real tears. As of this present moment, Mike has not packed one item for our trip  - we are scheduled to leave at 7 am.

Once I manage to fall asleep it feels like my alarm is going off. I get up, shower, make coffee, make breakfast (remember we don't eat on the road), wake everyone up....Mike sleeps. He HAS a really long drive ahead and needs another few minutes...45 minutes later he jumps in the shower. While Mike showers, I drag everything from the mudroom to the driveway. I make children get in the vehicles - except Damek - because he understands the male methodology of loading. THIS is about the time (let's say 6:45 am, because we actually all agreed to 7:15 am) that my parents pull up into the driveway and note that Mike is not outside yet and that the cars have not been loaded. BUT there is no tension. I would like to note that Mike looks spectacular - he could not look more attractive. I, however, usually look like I need a makeover - but then again I have been up for 2 hours, running around like a wild woman.

It takes about an hour to load the cars. There are lots of straps involved - mostly, the best I can tell, because Mike and Damek both like using all kinds of straps. 3 surf boards, 2 boogie boards, and George Massey, my Dad, is VERY impressed by all the straps - even though he is slightly irritated that we are behind schedule. My Mother has passed out all kinds of snacks to her grandchildren EVEN though the snacks do not meet healthy Massey Horner standards. So it's really good that everyone has had a lot of sugar before a 7 hour car ride. Everyone gets into a vehicle. Because we need gas, I call my folks using my stupid phone and tell them that we have to get gas for all the cars....Dad swears a military swear word (as opposed to a civilian one) and follows us to the cheapest gas station in Knox County (not the closest one to save time - we want to save 4 cents per gallon). We fill up. We get on the road.....the beach is just 7 short hours away - not counting stops.

I know this is only my side of the division of labor - but any friends who have gone with us know that this version is accurate and fair.

Keep us in your thoughts tomorrow. I will be in a bikini for the next 7 days!


* Footnote: dear friend, Russ Wise, gets credit for the COPS reference. He is also living the dream...married with kids, occasionally traveling with multi-generations of his family. He might have witnessed a historical COPS worthy fight of ours.