I heard the NPR interview and read the article in the Atlantic (worth the read even if you are not a tenured law professor working mom). And while I mostly agree with Ann-Marie Slaughter, my first thought was 'no shit".
http://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2012/07/why-women-still-can-8217-t-have-it-all/9020/
I am forever grateful to all the feminist who fought for women - and men, frankly, to have choices, but the article is only one person's experience (which she readily acknowledges) and much would have to change for anyone to have it all.
My generation of women grew up hearing that we could be anything we want....just as long as it was NOT 'just a full-time mother'. While I have worked most of the 22 years I have been a parent, I still get pissed when both men and women look down upon full-time stay at home parents. Having said this....several of these folks make the job look bad. They stay at home for the WRONG reasons. They don't necessarily take pride in the job. They do it half-assed and some even kind of apologize for it. Not everyone has the luxury of staying home to raise children and run a household full-time. Be proud and do your best, people.
One point the article does note is that it is CRITICAL that you pick the right partner. Again, no shit. No matter what you do professionally or not, the right life partner is key. Marriage and parenthood is hard enough - even harder is two people have different ideals about work/family balance. Be honest about wanting kids. Be honest about the lifestyle you want. Things happen that you can not control and you may have to ADJUST YOUR EXPECTATIONS! At 32, Mike moved to Tennessee, switch from law to teaching and has been a fantastic (don't tell him I said this) life partner. However, he was judged unfairly for deciding to change careers from law to teaching to better balance parenthood. Both male and female folks implied laziness (before really getting to know him) or lack of ambition as the real reason for his decision. Now, he has been teaching for 13 years, we have certainly let this go. But society needs to respect choices for both sexes and not label folks or project ideals of success onto others. In our lives, this was one of the best decisions we made as a couple.
To my younger, single girlfriends, I give this advice. If you want to have a family someday......There is simply nothing sexier or sweeter than a man willing to bathe his kids, read to them and get them to bed so that you can clean up the kitchen, do some laundry, take a shower and shave your legs ALONE. A man who will do all of those chores so that you can bathe kids, read to them and put them to bed is EVEN BETTER - so that you can have a glass of wine with him once they are asleep. If he will take the screaming toddler to the parking lot at a swanky restaurant while you eat with the other adults in peace - SUPER SEXY. A man who will hire the babysitter (even if it is your own mother) so that you both can go have a beer to talk about a problem one of your kids is having - AWAY from the kid who is keeping both of you up at night worrying. HUGELY SEXY.
Here is the thing you want....A man who wants to be in YOUR business (and I am not talking dirty - but that applies as well), in your kids business and is truly engaged and commented to the day to day is a KEEPER. KEEP him. Keep him because you CAN NOT have it all. BUT you can have a lot more if you have the right person in your corner while you do the most important job any parent does - raising the kids.
I am not a foreign policy writer, or a tenured law professor, but I think I would like Ann-Marie Slaughter.
